


Uncertainties

by aoishmex



Category: Jrock, Nightmare (Band), SCREW (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Neck Kissing, Romance, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 05:44:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17238494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoishmex/pseuds/aoishmex





	Uncertainties

Manabu worried too much. It was in his nature, part of his personality. He couldn’t help it. Sometimes all it took was a little thing to send him in to over-drive. He didn’t voice his worries so others didn’t worry about him. But sometimes that one thing that sent him in to over-drive would push him over the edge. When that happened he couldn’t hold his thoughts back. He let them loose, got them out in the open, whether or not the other person would really listen. His bandmates hated to see him worry. They wished they could calm him somehow but also knew there were times all he needed was time to himself.  
The guitarist knew change was good. Change didn’t scare him or worry him. Uncertainty was another issue entirely. When change happened within SCREW, it brought more uncertainties than Manabu had ever dealt with for one situation. Rui was gone. He was no longer in the band, no longer in PSC. He was moving on and it made Manabu feel like he was left behind. He was glad for his friend; wanted to see him happy and doing what he loved. But the uncertainties kept him from accepting what had happened. Manabu worried he and the bassist would fall apart and their friendship disappear in to memory. He was scared things wouldn’t be the same for his band. He worried they wouldn’t be able to move on without a fifth member even though many other bands managed with less. He worried their music would come to a standstill. He was scared someone else would leave because things were changing. Manabu worried and stewed over his thoughts. His friends only noticed when it was too late—when that one thing had pushed Manabu over the edge.  
It was a simple question; an offer to be a listening ear. The guitarist snapped and everything he had been holding back came gushing out. It was a string of angry words. It was emotional and embarrassing. His bandmates stood in shock. They listened without trying to interrupt, knowing it was better to try to calm the guitarist when he was finished. Manabu ranted. His hands gestured to emphasize how upset he was. He stammered and stalled as he tried to gather his thoughts. His stomach was in knots, throat tightening with emotion as he spoke, feet wearing down the carpet as he paced in the same line over and over again. He told them how scared he was things would fall apart. He let them know of the ‘what ifs’ running though his head. He told them how guilty he felt that they had made Rui feel like the odd-man-out when he was the only one not in a relationship. He yelled, correcting himself instantly, only to yell again soon after. He told them how scared he was of the uncertainty that the future held and how it kept him from being happy for Rui or themselves. All this he did fully knowing others could hear. Gossip among the bands spread like gossip in high school. If one person over-heard it wouldn’t be long before every band knew it as well.  
And when he was finished with his ranting the room stood in silence. No one made eye-contact because no one knew what to say. The guitarist turned to leave, pausing briefly when he saw Sakito blocking the door. He knew from the elder’s gentle expression many things had been overheard. He couldn’t place why Sakito was there, oblivious to the fact that Uruha had called him. Uruha understood why Manabu worried so much because he was the same way. He also knew Sakito would take care of Manabu the way Tora took care of him, how Aoi took care of Kazuki, and how Byou and Jin took care of each other. Uruha was always looking out for Manabu upon Sakito’s request, knowing his friend would worry if he couldn’t help. Sakito took Manabu home, ready to spend the night, and listened to more of the younger man’s worries.  
Sakito knew why Manabu tended to worry the way he did. He knew Manabu needed to feel some control in things that were important to him. It was the uncertainty that scared him. He knew Manabu couldn’t find control in things he wasn’t sure of. The elder listened as Manabu rejected his help. He told Sakito he couldn’t understand what he was feeling. Nightmare had lost a member and come through without a glitch. Sakito had never had to worry about his band not making it because of it. He and his bandmates had never disagreed on things like SCREW had. How could Sakito understand when he hadn’t experienced these worries for himself? The elder listened in calm silence. When Manabu was finished he let the younger man leave the room, knowing he needed time for himself.  
Manabu knew it wasn’t fair of him to yell at Sakito. He knew it was silly to get so worked up over something so temporary. Permanence was comforting to him. It was safe, controlled, manageable. Uncertainties could not be controlled. They made Manabu worry for fear of a bad outcome; a bad outcome so large things couldn’t be fixed. The guitarist lay in bed, mulling over his thoughts. He calmed himself down a little by reminding him of the bond his bandmates had created. He told himself the future always looked dark until you found a light to guide you through it. He counted the people who were such lights for him and how many times they had been there for him.  
When Sakito felt Manabu was ready he made his way to the bedroom. The lights stayed off. The guitarist joined the younger man on the bed, crawling in to the space behind him. He wrapped his arms around Manabu’s small body and held him close. Manabu lay still as kisses were pressed to his neck. Sakito’s hands rubbed up and down his arms. One found Manabu’s and locked their fingers together. “Whatever happens next, you and your friends will get through it,” the elder told him softly. And the kiss that followed to the spot to Manabu’s neck only he knew made the other squirm told Manabu Sakito would be there for him through it all, too. It was his silent way of saying he was there for him. That was another uncertainty Manabu faced. But he knew, with the little silent acts Sakito did to comfort him, that he wasn’t alone in this fear.  
Manabu pulled Sakito’s arms tighter around him. He kissed the elder’s knuckles. “I’m scared,” he admitted.  
“I know,” the brunet behind him soothed, “but you’re not alone. Everything’s going to be all right.”


End file.
